Bad Mother is Great Reading

I didn't read Ayelet Waldman's newest memoir, Bad Mother, this weekend. I devoured it, breathlessly flipping through its pages, alternating between laughing out loud and nodding in solemn agreement. Waldman's unflinchingly honest tome lays out her maternal track record, exploits and failures, for all the world to see.

In case her name sounds familiar to you, but you can't quite place it, let me give you some background. Ayelet Waldman is the author of the Mommy Track mysteries, Daughter's Keeper
, and Love and Other Impossible Pursuits
. She caused quite an uproar in the mommy world in 2005 when she stated that she loved her husband more than her kids. Her husband is author Michael Chabon.

Ayelet Waldman shares it all: mother-in-law rivalry, abortion, promiscuity, baby lust, learning disabilities, and dodging volunteering for class mom in the 18 chapters of Bad Mother. Her experiences are at once unique and universal. She dares to utter out loud thoughts and feelings that most mothers have experienced. She states her purpose clearly at the beginning of the book, "One of the darkest, deepest shames so many of us mothers feel nowadays is the fear that we are Bad Mothers, that we are failing our children and falling far short of our own ideals. ... By presenting a faithful and honest record of my experience as a mother, I hope to show both my readers and my children how truth can redeem even what you fear might be the gravest of sins."

Not only does she provide us with the catharsis of shared experiences, she does so with elegant, flowing prose that I couldn't help but reverently copy in my notebook. She inspired me to write about my guiltiest moments, to "turn over those rocks and explore the spidery places beneath." I used that prompt when I was leading my writing group last week, and it resulted in one of the most powerful writing sessions we've had in a long time.

In the first chapter, Waldman argues that we mothers are such harsh critics of each other in order to make ourselves feel better for our perceived shortcomings. She points out how much we love to demonize Britney Spears and other "boogeymoms" in the public eye. She then exhorts us to "give ourselves and each other a break."

While I applaud her encouragements for us to not impose such impossible standards on ourselves, I can't help but find her call for us to stop judging each other unrealistic. Judging other moms, especially celebrity moms who seem to have it all, is just part of mother nature. It would be hard for me to give up the pleasure of feeling "superior" to Denise Richards in the mothering category. I need something to get me through those rainy Friday afternoons!