Fellow Travelers

Motherhood is a long journey. It is a journey through sleep deprivation, childhood illnesses, discipline issues, bedtime snuggles, messy crafts, reading drills and long rides in the car. It is a journey that begins in the labor and delivery room and hopefully continues to grandmotherhood.

On this journey, you obviously spend a lot of time with your children and spouse, but they are not your fellow travelers. They don't see the journey from the same perspective. My fellow travelers are all the other mothers who have joined me for all or part of my journey and have helped make it smoother. I read somewhere - it might have been in the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy - that when you become pregnant, it's like you've suddenly joined a club you didn't know existed: the universal mother club. Motherhood is the bond that allows random conversations between mothers of all walks of life, from bus drivers and waitresses to lawyers and CEOs. But we need more than these solicited and unsolicited pieces of advice from strangers to stay afloat. We need the mothers we befriend along the way: in playgroups, in music class, at Starbucks, in our children's schools, or in the neighborhood. It's with these mothers that we share our fears, our joys, and have a forum for all our questions.

Our fellow travelers don't provide us all support, however. I remember being very involved in serious competition and unhealthy infant comparison with the mothers of my first playgroup in New York City. I spent many nights agonizing over why Bella was not crawling like Noah and worrying that little Isa seemed to have a much more extensive vocabulary than Bella. This competition was egged on by one mom who delighted in loudly announcing other babies' slower development and trumpeting her daughter's obvious superiority in all realms of infant development.

Now that Bella is older and has been joined by two younger siblings, my mother friends are even more crucial to my sanity. We coordinate car pools, playdates, and share advice ranging from cooking for our children to sex with our husbands. We are each other's witnesses. We delight in our kids' triumphs and share each other's frustrations. We help out with meals and driving in emergencies or provide a destination for your children when you really need a manicure or a break.

The journey is long and some of your fellow travelers will change. Some will get off the train and others will get on. They'll make the journey with you and your children, so choose them carefully. Don't be afraid to change cars if need be. Your fellow travelers will make the difference between an unforgettable journey or a banal walk in the park.

This post is in response to the prompt "Fellow Travelers". For more sunday scribblings on the same prompt, go to http://www.sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/.